setbacks....alone

frustrated doesn't begin to describe how i feel, but let's try shall we....

FUSTRATION: disappointment, thwarting, annoyance, bitter pill, blocking, blow, bummer, chagrin, circumvention, contravention, curbing, defeat, disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, downer, failure, fizzle, grievance, hindrance, impediment, irritation, letdown, nonfulfillment, nonsuccess, obstruction, old one-two, resentment, setback, unfulfillment, vexation

if i'm going to be open and honest on here (which i don't know how else to act)....i'm frustrated. i know i said i wasn't going to be...that i was fine with what today was going to be...but i'm not....it's my birthday...i should be happy...not frustrated or pissed for half the day....let me not be over dramatic about this...i did enjoy the time i was with my niece and nephew...that was good...but other than that...i literally wanted to just hit something on the way home...i felt like i needed to be in an anger management class tonight...i kept trying to grasp on to God as this one hope to calm me down, but i was just not letting Him in right then...now i'm a bit calmer and can focus a bit...but still very much frustrated.

sometimes i don't understand how someone (like myself) can feel loved by many and feel all alone at the same time. i know that i am loved, have friends that will stand by me through it all if i needed them to...but to have all of that..all of that comfort...to still feel like you need a hug? it's not about feeling happy....that's just an emotion that comes and goes...i know that i still have a bit of joy in me, even during the hard times...but what helps push that along so that it can brighten even the hardest of hearts? i think after the hundred or so "happy birthday's" from facebook and texts that i would have to say the ONE phone call i got just recently to wish me a happy birthday. there is something about speaking to someone...i think i just needed to hear someone elses voice other than my phone going off every 2 minutes of a new happy birthday note.*

*side note: i did appreciate all 90+ comments on FB and 10+ texts messages to my phone

all i'm trying to say is that even in the technology age we live in...there are still people, myself included, that just want a little face time....or ear time. i know i fall into the same pattern, but i think we owe it to our relationships that we want to keep...that we want to cherish...to fight for them...i'm not saying i would have enjoyed all 100+ phone calls (or my phone bill), but i would have enjoyed many. i also think if had one ounce of a planned opportunity to go out tonight, i wouldn't be nearly as frustrated...but that is way besides the point now...lol...see, my sarcasm is back...i must be feeling better already. Ohh well, go make some face time with someone tomorrow.