setbacks....alone

frustrated doesn't begin to describe how i feel, but let's try shall we....

FUSTRATION: disappointment, thwarting, annoyance, bitter pill, blocking, blow, bummer, chagrin, circumvention, contravention, curbing, defeat, disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, downer, failure, fizzle, grievance, hindrance, impediment, irritation, letdown, nonfulfillment, nonsuccess, obstruction, old one-two, resentment, setback, unfulfillment, vexation

if i'm going to be open and honest on here (which i don't know how else to act)....i'm frustrated. i know i said i wasn't going to be...that i was fine with what today was going to be...but i'm not....it's my birthday...i should be happy...not frustrated or pissed for half the day....let me not be over dramatic about this...i did enjoy the time i was with my niece and nephew...that was good...but other than that...i literally wanted to just hit something on the way home...i felt like i needed to be in an anger management class tonight...i kept trying to grasp on to God as this one hope to calm me down, but i was just not letting Him in right then...now i'm a bit calmer and can focus a bit...but still very much frustrated.

sometimes i don't understand how someone (like myself) can feel loved by many and feel all alone at the same time. i know that i am loved, have friends that will stand by me through it all if i needed them to...but to have all of that..all of that comfort...to still feel like you need a hug? it's not about feeling happy....that's just an emotion that comes and goes...i know that i still have a bit of joy in me, even during the hard times...but what helps push that along so that it can brighten even the hardest of hearts? i think after the hundred or so "happy birthday's" from facebook and texts that i would have to say the ONE phone call i got just recently to wish me a happy birthday. there is something about speaking to someone...i think i just needed to hear someone elses voice other than my phone going off every 2 minutes of a new happy birthday note.*

*side note: i did appreciate all 90+ comments on FB and 10+ texts messages to my phone

all i'm trying to say is that even in the technology age we live in...there are still people, myself included, that just want a little face time....or ear time. i know i fall into the same pattern, but i think we owe it to our relationships that we want to keep...that we want to cherish...to fight for them...i'm not saying i would have enjoyed all 100+ phone calls (or my phone bill), but i would have enjoyed many. i also think if had one ounce of a planned opportunity to go out tonight, i wouldn't be nearly as frustrated...but that is way besides the point now...lol...see, my sarcasm is back...i must be feeling better already. Ohh well, go make some face time with someone tomorrow.

...to party or not to party...

......
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birthdays

before i moved to nashville and even a few years while i was there...birthday parties weren't much of a care for me...but i soon changed my tune with great friends that loved wine as much as i did...or the champagne drink that i continuely loved to buy...and the joy to dance all night long! So what has changed now....well, besides moving back to seattle, building new friendships, rebuilding old ones, and just now getting back into the scene...i'd say a lot has changed. i am prepaired for change this time though. i knew that i would be going no where (at night) on my actual birthday because of family obligations, which i am completely okay with...now. As well as not going anywhere that weekend...no worries, i'm good...right? yes, because the week after i have the joy of doing something...what you may ask...i still have no idea!!!

idea #1: I though about going on a hike (like a friend last year i went with...Daniel i did enjoy myself...good workout...inspiring), but i still haven't found a location yet.

idea #2: I thought that i would do something big this year...you know, VIP it up....a table with happy bottles on it....and me...dancing the night away...but no...i don't think so.

idea #3: For once, i might just go back to one of the years i did i long time ago and have a moment with little ole me. my coffee...a favorite movie or two....my blanket....a good book....a favorite soundtrack playing in the background...a bubble bath with a glass of champagne.

this is my world as we know it right now...what to do, what to do...hmmm...maybe one idea, maybe two....shoot, if i'm feeling really good, all three...but that just might be pushing it this year. if it's idea # 1 or #2, trust there will be pics...otherwise...you already know that i chose idea #3.

Cheers! I hope you have better luck with your birthday plans this year than i have.

MY BREATH WAS TAKEN AWAY: PHILIP GLASS

The entire night he would introduce each piece or section that he was going to perform...it was like i was in a trance. I will get some video of it all up here when i can, until then, you'll just have to take my word. Even then when i do post it, you won't get the real effect of it all....it's hard to explain something that you can barely understand yourself.

As i mentioned before, I don't get awe-struck with supposedly "famous people." I don't really care...but this night i was a complete wreck...you would have thought i fell and hurt myself. I will admit that i actually teared up when he came out...it was like seeing a miracle in front of your eyes...maybe most of you don't know what i'm talking about because you've never seen a miracle happen...so it was like a dream you have been dreaming about since you were a little kid came true EXACTLY how you imagined it would be....that's about as close as i can describe how i felt to be there. My breath was taken from me and i was living in a dream that became a reality. To be extremely cheesy: "Dreams really do come true."